


Wrong

by stilessplusderekh



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Cemetery, Heartbreak, If You Squint - Freeform, M/M, Sadness, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-20
Updated: 2018-01-20
Packaged: 2019-03-07 04:50:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13427166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stilessplusderekh/pseuds/stilessplusderekh
Summary: He reached the headstone soon enough. He kneeled before it and just stared for a while





	Wrong

**Author's Note:**

> Ok so this is the first time I’ve ever actually finished anything I’ve ever written??? I also have no idea where all this angst came from????? Anyway it’s 4am where I am and. Yeah. Let me know what you think since this is my first time writing ANYthing EVER. Also if you think I should tag something else or if there are any typos I missed. Thanks!

He drove to the cemetery in a daze. He was always numb after a fight. How couldn’t he be? When he could rarely ever think of a good reason to keep fighting at all. It felt like it wasn’t worth it. Like he should just – stop. When it was all about saving the world, then he’d been able to fake it. Or maybe he’d still been in shock. It still hadn’t felt real, after all. But now? Back then it was all so important and big that he had no choice. He _had_ to fight. But it wasn’t that important anymore, or at least it certainly didn’t feel like it. He wasn’t the only one anymore, either. The only one that was around to defend the defenseless. There wasn’t a war going on anymore. They could manage without him. They –

He was pulled out of his thoughts as he realized he’d already arrived. He parked the car and got out, already in a daze once again. He already knew the way, after all. There was no chance he could ever get lost. He’d been here too many times for that, ever since they told him where it was.

After it happened there’d always been something to occupy him. First the war. Then there was the ice, of course. But he couldn’t remember that. Hadn’t even felt anything until he’d awoken in the middle of a room, on a bed that was all _wrong_. After that there’d been the fight – the _invasion_ – , whatever it had been.

But now it all felt too little, too unimportant – even if it wasn’t – , compared to those other things. He knew that it’d only been a matter of time. What did he even have left?

He reached the headstone soon enough. He kneeled before it and just stared for a while. Could’ve been minutes, could’ve been hours. He really wouldn’t know if he’d been asked.

He hadn’t brought anything. All of the things that he could’ve, he already had. Flowers felt so limp, so dead, so _wrong_. Bucky would’ve hated them, anyway. So he didn’t bring anything anymore.

He didn’t talk, either. And _that_ he hadn’t actually done before. What could be possible say? There weren’t any words for it. Bucky’s body wasn’t even here.

And wasn’t that just awful, thinking about it like that. About the finality of a _grave_. And that was wrong, too, even. Bucky had always wanted to be cremated. But then again, there wasn’t even a body.

He didn’t know what was different this time. Or maybe he did. Thinking back, it was probably the moment he’d looked over, searching for a very familiar face, only to realize that of course it wasn’t there. Not anymore. It’d just felt so _similar_. So much like it had been back in the day.

It had happened before, obviously. But maybe this time was different, somehow. Maybe it was just one time too many.

The words just burst out of him, seemingly out of nowhere. And he talked. And perhaps there’d always been words for it, after all. Or maybe those were wrong, as well. They came out anyway, though. And there was no stopping them now.

“You told me not to die, you know? You told me to keep up, you told me to be strong”. There were tears in his eyes. “Again and again. But what’s the point, Bucky?”, he sobbed, “What’s the point if you’re not here to see that I’m keeping my promise? What’s the point if that’s not gonna bring you back? What’s the point if I don’t _want_ to keep going? What’s the point if all I want to do is _stop_?”. He deflated and looked down. The tears that were streaming down his face were dropping onto the grass almost soundlessly. He stared some more. He hated this. All of it. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go, was it? Even with everything that had been going on back then, a part of him had still believed that they would get their happy ending. Or at least a semblance of it. How naïve.

He kept staring. What else could he do? He didn’t know. What else could he have possibly said? What other words could he ever hope to find that would be appropriate? It still all felt so _wrong_. But then again, what didn’t these days?

He noticed that the sun had started to set. He kept staring.

By the time he blinked back into reality it was already dark.

He looked up at the sky. The stars seemed to blink back at him. He smiled a little. Bucky had always loved the stars.

In the end, he stood. He walked back to his car feeling a bit more settled. He soon reached it and sighed once he was inside. He sat there. And drove back to the tower.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for stopping by! I hope you liked it or enjoyed or something since this is SAD. Also I may make this a series?? And make it not so sad anymore??? Let me know if you think I should do that. Kudos or a comment would be GREATLY appreciated! Thank you!


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